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The Magic Walkthrough – Getting Your Girlfriend Into Magic

By Lauren Lee ⋅ March 4, 2010 ⋅ Post a comment ⋅

There are many incentives to try to get your girlfriend (or boyfriend) into Magic. The main reason is that it’s a fun way to spend time together. It can even be more productive than blowing away money on movie tickets or spending hours on a video game. Playing Magic can result in making new friends, winning prizes, making money by dealing cards, meeting people from all over the world, and traveling to new places. If you’re doing these things, but your Significant Other (SO) isn’t, then it’s understandable that you’d want to share your experiences instead of hogging them all to yourself. But how do you get someone interested in Magic in the first place? Especially someone who seems to adamantly refuse to try it?

It’s definitely more common for girls to refuse to participate in Magic. Although not unheard of for boys, like in the case of my boyfriend, who mostly just doesn’t have the time. But ignoring such edge cases, it’s just the girls that won’t get involved. What are some of the barriers preventing them from getting to know Magic like you and I do?

Negative Stereotypes and Lack of Real Information

What does the layman think about Magic if he or she just hears the phrase “Magic: the Gathering”? You may get associations with Dungeons and Dragons; they’re owned by the same people, after all. Many people may assume these games are very similar since they’re both fantasy-based. One might assume Magic is a game where you live vicariously through characters on cardboard. Magic also involves rolling dice, and there are a lot of numbers and statistics in Magic. These vague similarities might give people the wrong impression of what Magic is about. Unquestionably, Magic is just a hard game to explain without demonstration or a lot of words.

The next thought a typical person may have after hearing the word “Magic” is of geek and nerd culture. More than that, it’s the culture of not showering, acting like slobs, being socially inept, and creating an atmosphere women are allergic to. It’s part myth and part truth, but it’s one of the more permeating and harmful stereotypes of Magic culture. If your local player base makes this stereotype more truth than myth, you might have a serious problem getting your girlfriend to FNM. However, there are outs.

These are two major factors preventing new players (both men and women) from getting interested in Magic. As far as I can tell, Wizards isn’t doing anything to quell the myths and is relying mainly on its newer products to garner interest. It seems to be working, but the female to male ratio is still severely imbalanced.

Lack of Time and Money

Magic can hit the pocketbook pretty hard. And it’s hard for an outsider to understand why you would dish out big bucks for some piece of cardboard. It’s even hard for many players to understand why someone would spend $20+ on a card. However, you can definitely control how much you spend on the game, time and money-wise. But when your girlfriend sees you spending a lot of time and money on Magic, it could dissuade her from getting into Magic out of fear it would suck up too many resources. Part of overcoming this barrier is informing your girlfriend that it doesn’t have to take more time or money than she’s willing to spend.

Everyone Has to Start as a Noob

I think a lot of new players, or players that haven’t even started playing, get discouraged by the fact they start out as being “terrible” at Magic. It’s not a game that’s very forgiving to noobs. In games like Guitar Hero, you can start out on an easier difficulty level, and the only opponent you’re fighting is yourself. In Magic, if your opponent is even slightly better than you, you will taste defeat over and over again. It can be frustrating and difficult to see why you keep losing. Before you even start Magic, you can give the excuse, “But I’m terrible at Magic.” And just not play at all. People enjoy games that they know they can play moderately well before starting.

However, people wrongly overemphasize the complexities of the game. Any child can learn to play and win. Maybe not at very competitive levels of Magic, but your goal isn’t to win the Pro Tour, is it? You just want to spend an enjoyable time with your SO! Getting to the point where you are good enough to beat your friends or people at FNM isn’t really that hard. Learning the rules isn’t that hard. It’s a barrier, but it’s a relatively small one.

So what are some strategies to get your girlfriend into the game?

The Gateway Drugs

Pardon my terminology. But it isn’t uncommon to joke about Magic being like a drug in several respects. If there’s one thing that I believe to be true about Magic, however, is that you can’t START with Magic. Most people start with something else. Effectively, gateway drugs. I think these are some of the most effective ways to get new players cushioned to playing with real Magic cards.

1. Duels of the Planeswalkers
This is Gateway Drug Number One on the list because I think it is the BEST one out there. In fact, it IS just playing Magic. But it’s somewhat disguised as a video game. If you want your girlfriend to play Magic with you, get an XBox and a copy of this game, and just start playing.

It’s really nice that you can play cooperatively on the XBox. This is one of the features that appeals to me the most. You aren’t competing against your girlfriend; you’re on the same team! And you can collaborate on strategies and decisions because you can see each other’s hands. It also teaches you some of the rules while you play. The decks are very flavorful, and it’s sort of fun to watch the spells and interactions. Later, you can make fun of how bad the AI is.

The other nice thing is that you don’t have to own any cards. And you don’t need anyone else to start playing. It’s just you, your girlfriend, and a couple XBox controllers. It’s nice to skip out on all the messy business of buying cards, making decks, finding opponents. And it’s a pleasant way to spend an afternoon or evening together with your girlfriend, maybe if you’re both feeling too lazy to go out.

2. Yu-Gi-Oh, Pokemon
Well there’s always the next best thing to Magic – other TCGs. I personally played both of these games before ever touching a Magic card. And the reason I was drawn to Magic was that Yu-Gi-Oh left me wanting. But these games are also a lot easier to understand and to “get good at” as it were. And who doesn’t like Pokemon?

What’s nice about these TCGs is that you don’t have to own any of the cards to play them; there are tons of video games made for Yu-Gi-Oh, and there’s also a video game for playing the Pokemon TCG. If you can get your girlfriend to enjoy these games, it’s going to smooth the transition to Magic that much more. It clears up the concept of casting costs, playing with creatures that attack, life totals, abilities, graveyards, and libraries. Yu-Gi-Oh even uses the stack. More than that, it makes the concept of collecting cards a little more understandable – it’s a game where you have to buy the individual pieces to play, is all.

David Williams, Magic player turned Poker Pro

3. Poker, Playing Card Games
Is Magic just too nerdy for your girlfriend? Starting with something like poker can emphasize the similarities between Magic and more mainstream card games. I know lots of Magic players that also enjoy poker. If you and your friends play regularly, try to get in some games of a card game your girlfriend is willing to play, like Texas Hold’Em or Hearts or 80 Points or Presidents; or something. There are so many card games out there! Once your girlfriend gets used to seeing your Magic friends and having a good time with them, she probably would be more open to learning to play other games with them.

4. Games of Any Sort
Is your girlfriend just not that into games? This will prove much, much harder then! To enjoy Magic, it usually helps to enjoy gaming of some sort. Whether it be video games, board games, or card games. If your girlfriend doesn’t do any of these things, then it’s probably a good idea to introduce her to some of these other things before jumping into Magic. Baby steps!

The Approach

Getting your girlfriend into Magic will take finesse and dedication. You always have to remember some important things: a) your goal is for both of you to have a good time; if one of you isn’t having a good time, it’s time to quit; b) when teaching new players to play, the goal isn’t winning; it’s teaching; c) if she’s willing to learn and is trying to play, she’s doing you a favor; d) don’t act condescending or patronizing.

No doubt, being a good teacher is key to introducing Magic to ANY new player. Even when playing a video game like Duel of the Planeswalkers, where the game practically plays itself for you, you have to exhibit patience and understanding. Generally, it doesn’t help to mock your students as they’re learning, since it can sour the whole experience. If students are in a bad mood when learning to do something new, they won’t associate good things with doing whatever it is they’re learning. That by itself can shut off players from getting into Magic forever. Magic is about having fun, so it’s important that the learning process is fun.

Open communication is also important. That’s kind of a no-brainer, perhaps, but I know some people have problems with talking a lot, particularly while they game. But the more you explain in words, the better. Don’t pretend you’re playing real games of Magic, where you don’t want to give things away. Understanding comes first; winning comes second, if at all. It’s best to explain things to your pupil under a comfortable and relaxed setting, where winning is not a priority. This opens the doors for more questions

Some Suggestions

1. Show your girlfriend the social side of Magic, more so than the playtesting side or the PTQ scene
2. Let your girlfriend get a feel for the physical cards – what they look like, what they say
3. An extension of that is to gift your girlfriend with a binder or box full of her very own cards – the feeling of owning Magic cards is very special; don’t use these cards as an extension of your own set
4. Get your girlfriend some booster packs that she can open whenever she feels like it
5. Play 2-Headed-Giant together at tournaments
6. Use the T4 format to play games together
7. Plan an entire day to spend together and have Magic be just a small part of the whole program
8. Teach her how to draft
9. Let her use your cards and collection; don’t make her spend money on the game until she likes it enough
10. Get her an MTGO account, stocked with a draft set or two
11. Try not mentioning Magic for months at a time, bringing it up only every so often on special days

Depending on what kind of person your girlfriend is, some suggestions may work better than others. If she has a lot of competitive spirit, she may enjoy FNM or MTGO better. Or if she prefers a casual setting, maybe EDH or 250 is the format she’d find more fun. In any case, cater to her tastes and needs. Don’t make her play Magic the way you play Magic.

And if all fails, and she still refuses to play Magic, then give up! There’s not a lot of point in pressing the issue. I’m sure you’ll still find lots of things to do together that don’t involve slinging spells.

Lauren Lee, editor of Mulldrifting, has been playing Magic competitively since Conflux and in that time has developed a strong passion for the game and in teaching others to be the best players they can be. Sightings of her have been recorded at various events around NYC.

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Last 4 posts Appreciating New Mechanics The Magic Walkthrough – Starcraft + Magic = Gaming Excellence The Magic Walkthrough – Knowledge vs Experience The Magic Walkthrough – Hit Jund’s Weak Spots!

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1. Hey,

   Just chiming in that my wife also plays Magic, getting hooked thru the LOTR Decipher game. She rarely plays Magic though, only occasionally jumping in to a multiplayer (borrowing one of my burn-oriented decks, her favorite) with us, or even Winston drafting Cube with us.
   She almost always wins when she joins in, and we don’t go easier on her :D
   Planechase however is by far her favorite format, because it’s fun and random.

   Daiches | March 4, 2010, 11:28 am | #

2. My lovely lady likes to do some of the things that I do with my friends. Magic turned out to be a game she doesn’t mind playing. She picked out a starter, or whatever they are called now, and went with an ally deck. After playing with me and some friends, she slowly learned how to play her cards. Eventually she even began to look up different cards that could change how her deck plays. She now plays an Esper colored ally deck that tears people up at FMN. At first she wasn’t sure of the game, but now she gets excited when she wins.

   Chili Sampler | March 4, 2010, 12:30 pm | #

3. I can only wish my wife played. She just doesn’t game at all. any kind.

   mtgxman | March 4, 2010, 7:34 pm | #

4. *An esper ally deck that “tears” ppl up at fnm!!!!

   Magic Fail

   kt | March 4, 2010, 8:46 pm | #

5. Thanks for the article , it helps ALOT. Right now my girlfriend is playing a red/black deck I made but this kinda helps with me trying to get her to tournaments, I tend to get ahead of myself when teaching players how to play :D

   Raymond L. | March 4, 2010, 10:52 pm | #

6. WOW! It’s the article I didn’t know I had to read

   I like the suggestion of the xbox game. maybe I’ll sell my Elspeths to buy it.

   I’ve played maybe 20 games with my SO and it is still really complicated for her. I have trouble balancing my teaching between explaining what’s going on and explaining too much.

   I had fun reading the rules, but I’m not sure how to make that interesting to her as she doesn’t know too many cards to apply new concepts to. Any suggestions on this?

   carter mclaughlin | March 5, 2010, 6:19 pm | #

7. Seen articles on the subject before, but more is always good! (As a feminist jab at the “Girls don’t play Magic” Internet memes I would have liked to see you substitute girl/friend with boy/friend, but that would be alienating the intended audience.)

   “Everyone starts as a noob” is an important point that I hadn’t thought of before; I think this is part of why DotP is so popular (and useful as a teaching tool); you can adjust the computer’s skill level, play co-op with a friend, pause the game to look up tutorial text, etc. (That and you, the experienced player, don’t have to build your own boring vanilla decks to give him a fighting chance.) MTGO also offers (free) infinite replay with starter decks but it’s pretty cutthroat – a learning environment but definitely not a teaching one.

   Yugioh and Pokemon are somewhat imprecise analogies – there’s nothing like the “tapping for mana” resource management system – but odds are if your boyfriend already plays these games, he’ll be receptive to giving Magic a try.

   What’s “the T4 format”?

   Luckily most of the people I know who don’t play Magic don’t play strategy games at all, because I’d be as bad at teaching as I am at playing.

   Jenesis | March 6, 2010, 9:24 pm | #

8. @carter Sometimes it’s just better to not have to read a rule book and just jump into each situation individually. I think Magic is one of those.

   @Jenesis T4 is a great format where you take a pile of all spells, and you have infinite mana of all colors but can only play one spell per turn. There are lots of variations on this theme, but that’s the general gist.

   By doing this, you make the game a little more like Yugioh since there’s no mana consumption, but you still get all the card interactions and stuff.

   Lauren Lee | March 7, 2010, 3:00 am | #

9. I managed to get my girl friend to play magic for the first time with me today. After reading your article the only thing we could agree that applied was that she was doing me a favor. she’s not too fond of strategy gaming and the biggest hurdle was the decision making involved with the options presented. I made sure to build two basic aggro decks with simple removal to kind of show the flow of the game and the turns. the stack will prove challenging and teaching the appropriate timing of certain spells will be challenging in the future. I should write an article about our experiences with this and submit it. love the site! love your writing! keep up the awesomeness!

   chris | March 7, 2010, 6:17 pm | #

10. My boyfriend got me into Magic and I’ve continued to play even after our relationship ended. He started me out with a standard deck that was simple and easy to understand how to play and we played through a few games until I got tired of those cards and wanted to play new ones. After I understood what the abilities were on certain cards, I wanted to see different cards and play with more of them. Thus, he lured me into drafting, first letting me watch him to see what I should pick and why, then he just threw me in. I think, depending on the store, most guys would be nicer to and more understanding of a new FEMALE player. All of the guys at my shop befriended me and helped me out in my playing and now I’m just one of them, no longer a noob and a rather decent, very competitive Magic player in my own right.

    Marlana | March 9, 2010, 4:29 pm | #

11. Unfortunatly i got my ex-gf (GF at the time) into playing magic, she usually played white/green/red (naya colors) and i gave her a bit of my cards, about half to be exact. And then we broke up. and now she’s become a drug-fiend and who knows where my cards are now, I don’t and apparently she doesn’t either.

    *sigh*

    Erik | March 11, 2010, 8:55 am | #